A Guide to Surviving and Enjoying Comedy Competition Festivals

Comedy is so subjective. Sometimes a comic crushes with the audience but doesn’t move on because the judges don’t like it. Sometimes a comic gets crickets for their jokes but the judges love them. Even worse, comics have such fragile egos that when we don’t advance in a competition, it’s like a referendum that we’ve wasted the last however many years of our lives trying to perfect telling a joke. In light of this, I thought I’d share a few tips on how to get through a comedy competition festival smoothly. I do not claim to be an expert in this and there are certainly myriad tips out there, I’m just sharing my own from personal experience.

1. Relax – You already got into the festival, so you’ve already won. Comedy is all about getting people to see you, and people are going to see you because you’re there. Being in the festival means performing in front of industry. Now that you are there, relax and have fun with it. Getting to the festival should be your goal, and you’ve already accomplished that.

2. Do Jokes You Want to Do – Comics so often try to structure their sets around jokes they think the judges will like or jokes they think will crush with the audience. But half the time, those jokes don’t crush and the judges don’t like them. I say do the jokes that make you happy and that you are excited about. That excitement will shine through your performance and you’ll feel good about your set even if you didn’t move on because you enjoyed telling your jokes.

3. Make Friends with Comics – The best part of a comedy festival is getting to meet other comics from different scenes and having the opportunity to make new friends. At the festival, you’ll see tons of other talented, creative, funny people. This is your opportunity to get to know some of them. You’re not in competition with these people, you’re performing with them. And most of what you accomplish in this business is going to be because of your friends, not because you won a comedy festival.

4. Don’t Hand Out Business Cards to Everyone – Seriously, nobody likes this guy. You should definitely bring business cards with you and hand them out to people you converse with, but don’t just walk around handing business cards to people whose name you don’t even know.

5. Follow Up – If you do meet any cool industry that expresses interest in you, follow up with them after the festival. Comics are the worst people in the world at doing this. Don’t be annoying or pushy about following up, just send an email saying how much you enjoyed meeting them and be genuine about it.

I hope this helps at least one person going to a comedy festival competition.

Top 10 Reasons to Do Irish Car Bombs on St. Patricks Day

1. You’re 20 years old

2. The girl you want to sleep with is doing them

3. You enjoy throwing up in public places and having dicks drawn on your forehead

4. You only have 15 minutes to get shitfaced

5. You are in a fraternity

6. You hate remembering St. Patrick’s Day

7. You prefer drinking all your drinks in under 10 seconds

8. You forgot to wear green and car bombs are your penance

9. You prefer your chocolate milk to come with a hangover

10. You are in the Irish Republican Army and you’re making an actual car bomb.

Classy Grant tries to describe his dream date with Natalie Portman, but dirtbag Dave just wants to see her titties.

Grant wants to take Anne Hathaway to a vegan restaurant on a dream date, but Dave just wants to show her his beef.

Grant wants to take Katy Perry skydiving for his dream date with her, and Dave loves the idea of those titties in space. Turn them titties loose!

Dave wants to spend his dream date with Eva Mendes talking about Ryan Gosling’s dick, while Grant just wants to take her to a dog park.

Guys, I’ve noticed a lot of roles for homeless guys on LA Casting and I’m thinking about going back to this look. What do you guys think? That doesn’t seem desperate, right? RIGHT?

Guys, I’ve noticed a lot of roles for homeless guys on LA Casting and I’m thinking about going back to this look. What do you guys think? That doesn’t seem desperate, right? RIGHT?


Jason Collins and Michael Sam shouldn’t worry about being seen as only a “gay player.”  There’s plenty of people like Paula Deen who will see them as a “black player.”

When I was on stage in Chattanooga, TN, a knock-off Ric Flair wannabe professional wrestler walked on stage and kneed me in the groin for talking shit. But at least I didn’t back down. And the crazy thing is, this still probably isn’t the weirdest thing that has happened to me on stage.

Top 10 Valentine’s Day Gifts from Abusive Spouses

The Top 10 Valentine’s Day Gifts from an Abusive Husband

1. A box of chocolates with the best ones already eaten

2. A mop

3. Going out with your boys so she can watch her fuckin’ programs

4. A black eye in the shape of a heart

5. Saying “I love you” back for the first time in months

6. A DVD on how to lose weight

7. Telling her you’re gonna go down on her and getting her hopes up and then watching sports instead

8. The book “Take Control of Your Period.”

9. Not sleeping with your side broad that night

10. The movie “Valentine’s Day”

The Top 10 Valentine’s Day Gifts from an Abusive Wife

1. A male thong

2. A teddy bear with the throat slit

3. The entire box set of Sex and the City delivered to him at work in front of his co-workers

4. Female lingerie with a post-it note on top that says “You’ll never see this again.”

5. Biting his penis during a blow job

6. Purposefully missing his head when you throw a plate at him

7. A recap of all the things he hasn’t accomplished because he’s not good enough

8. Dead flowers

9. A note from another guy saying how great she is and how “you have it lucky.”

10. The movie “Valentine’s Day”